A Little of Love, and A Little of Darkness

    If you're reading this you've probably ready my first book Love Between Darkness. I've spent a long time writing poetry, and though it is far from perfect, it was my hope that publishing LBD would provide me with a sense of cathartic relief and hopefully find an audience who could relate to my own personal struggle.

    When I was young I struggled often with relating to others, caring, and understanding where I fit in within my environment. I was young, lost and disillusioned. It took me a long time to learn where I belonged and what I was meant to do with my life. Unfortunately, I'm sad to say that I hurt a lot of people while I was struggling with mental health and social expectation. I used to live a lot of my life pursuing vanity seeking the affection of others so that I wouldn't need to deal with the conflict within myself.

    Love Between Darkness was written to reflect the gradual shift from fake love and vanity to the hope of real love and its influence on my own life. LBD is split into 4 sections, "Loved for a Time", "Between", "Darkness", and "Love". 

    "Loved for a Time" is, chronologically, the longest chapter in my book. It spans 6 years of my life and was written for the women I had pursued for romance or companionship while I was not yet ready for the cost of a relationship. I wrote "Loved for a Time" as a dedication to the women that I failed to love well or for the women who failed to love me. For me it is a hopeful call, that those people I hurt in my ignorance could hear how in the end, I am sorry, and that they did matter and have shaped who I am. Many of the people in "Loved for a Time" do not even realize they are in the book. I am sure that they do not think of me, nor would they care that I still think of them. But from that Distant Star, to The Fallen Angel, and even The Crystalline Flower who had left me long ago, each of them have shaped who I am, and I am eternally grateful. Each poem from this section was written at the time I had feelings for them. I chose not to edit these poems so that you could feel as I had felt for them at the time. I wanted this chapter to show how even with strong intentions and emotions, God and life, will move you towards and away from people. Likewise, I felt that the different subjects with the same theme of lasting love would reflect the contrast between my intentions and my reality.

    The "Between" and "Darkness" section focus on me internally. They are written as a reflection of my own personal struggle with mental health, intrusive thoughts, and depression. A lot of the poems in these sections are written short and without structure so that they would read like an intrusive thought; the longer poems, in contrast to the others, are written to reflect a common theme that I felt has plagued me through out my life.

    The last section titled "Love" is written for my fiancee. I separated it from the other section about romance to demonstrate how she alone is special. She is unlike any other I have loved or been loved by. It is my hope that years from now she will read that first poem, in that last chapter and she will be taken back to our budding romance. I hope that when I am old and grey I can still gaze upon her with eyes still brimming with youth, and tell her that I am hers and hers alone. It is in this last chapter that I wanted to convey a constant theme in my life. Love is a choice, not an emotion, and that choice to pursue someone is something that must be recommitted every day.

    I hope you enjoyed my first poetry book, my second poetry book is soon to come, and who knows maybe there will be something else in the mix later in life. Thank you for your support, it truly means the world to me.