A Shadow of Adam, A Brother of Abel.

     I find myself thinking of Genesis: the story of Adam and Eve, of Cain and Abel, of the Garden Eden and the Land of Nod. I wonder what it must have been like to dwell in paradise, surrounded by beings, by God himself, and still feel alone. Imagining myself in Adam's place, enduring the pain of being forsaken by Lilith, the relief and joy upon waking to find Eve, the grief of losing both sons, one physically, one spiritually.

    I think of Cain, the first wanderer, doomed to roam the Land of Nod knowing Eden is still within the horizon.

    More and more I find myself to be a shadow of Adam. A copy of the wretchedness of my progenitor. I wonder if Adam, in all of his wretchedness and blame casting, and labor, might see me as a kindred spirit. Two men... still waiting for a Messiah.

To walk with God. To know a wife. To love a family. To be formed from dust and to return to it.

    Maybe I should hate Adam for bringing sin into this world. Maybe I hate him for standing by while he watched Eve eat of the fruit. Maybe I could say that I would have been better if it was I in the garden and not he. But I doubt it.

    I find myself thinking of Cain. To be punished by God for my iniquity, and to wander in the Land of Nod until I am dead and left to picked apart by wolves and vultures. What must it have been like to see the promised land on the horizon? To hear of the stories of Eden and find yourself surrounded only by dust.

There are too many things in this world that must be done. Too many wishes that I know will kill me before they are complete. Regardless I must continue onwards.